I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Randomize
