The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
