Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
