he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
We have so much sex to catch up on
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
My vagina just clenched in fear
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
