I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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