We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
