We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
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