if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
