I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
