Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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