All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
