I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
