im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
