you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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