and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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