Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Randomize
