I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
