I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
