If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
