Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
