Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
