He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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