Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
