i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
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