she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
