hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
