At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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