Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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