i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
It's official drugs can't kill me
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
