the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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