So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
