it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
