It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
