Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
