evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
