sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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