no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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