did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
