There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
