if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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