i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
