I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
