Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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