Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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