"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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