i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
