shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
