i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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