It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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