I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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