i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
