who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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