JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
