The maid of honor just puked.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
