She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
