OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
