So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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