Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
