Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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