it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
