I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Is that strawberry winking at me??
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
