My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
The struggles of a small town man whore
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
