I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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