I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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