I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
