the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Randomize
