Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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