you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You've changed since you got that strap on
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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