She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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