He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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