thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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