Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
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