i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
