Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
