Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
