if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
