Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
