I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
