if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
