I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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