if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
