ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
so much tequila, so little girl.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
