we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
