What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
