Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
