lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
and you fell through a lawn chair
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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