Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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