please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
