Plan B is the new Plan A
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
