Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
one might say we're banned from that church
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
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