Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Randomize
