God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
