Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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