Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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